
These are the words that I have been pondering on. Joy has been sort of an ongoing, underlying "theme" for me since coming back to the U.S. last summer. Particularly late in the summer as I was struggling with weariness and so wanting to just be normal. I wanted to be happy and be able to enjoy all of the aspects of being back. But I was depressed and tired, tired and depressed.
Along the way in the midst of our transition and during our time of living in an apartment before finding a house, there were many moments of just plain crabbiness. Crabbiness exuded from each of us in the family on many different occasions. It was a hard time. We were walking around in the neighborhood a lot and one of the homes in the area had a garden flag out each day that said "Be filled with Joy". It looks like
this. We walked by it a lot. I read it a lot. It began to sink in...this simple three-letter word. JOY. I decided to Choose Joy and to Spread Joy even though I wasn't there yet. Every time someone was crabby at home I would snap "SPREAD JOY". Maybe not the most gentle of ways to introduce the concept but eventually this saying would become affixed to me. If someone was getting crabby, Kurt would say "SPREAD JOY" - he was poking fun at me a bit as he was saying it (because everyone was getting tired of hearing it) but at the same time, there was an awareness or awakening in each of us I think...the awareness of
choosing to be Joyful.
This morning Simon was crabby, crabby, crabby. The time change has been hard on him. I finally tired of hearing it and barked "SPREAD JOY" - and I was immediately challenged myself, at the way in which I had presented that beautiful thought of Joy...and I then said in a kind and gentle manner instead..."Simon...choose Joy...choose to be Joyful" - and he immediately changed his disposition, as I had as well.
I recognize that I have been in a period of darkness and winter in my life over the past months. This doesn't mean that I have not experienced
many moments of Joy during these months...it just means that there has been an overshadowing sometimes of weariness, etc. It has taken me much, much longer than I would have anticipated to recover from my bout with Mono, but I am so very much better now than I was. I feel like I am at the end of the road with it, and this makes me feel like the months ahead are going to be like a season of New Life and Hope and Joy. I am moving from a period of winter into the new birth of spring.
As I look at the wet earth in our new back yard, I am aware that there are many mysteries lying under the ground in the form of bulbs. I did not plant them, and though Christine (the previous owner) and I spent some wonderful time touring the backyard last fall in order for me to get my bearings...I don't remember everything that she said. The tender green shoots that are peeking up now (pictured above) will in a few weeks time, be bursting with color and fragrance and their mystery will be unfolded. The flowers will have shapes and names and they will be defined. I see this in my life too...definition...things taking shape. The Lord has been gracious and spoken to me in the quietness of my heart these days of late, and I know that Joy is where it's at. I anticipate with much excitement the months ahead.
"Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his,
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
...
For the Lord is good and his love
endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all
generations." -Psalm 100:1-3, 5
If you made it this far, well, phew! Thanks for sticking with me as I unloaded my thoughts.
As a P.S. I will add this:
I love the music of Nichole
Nordeman. She has so many song lyrics that just line up with different periods of my life, and this song is no exception. It is called
Every Season. The words are below, and
here is a link to a YouTube version done by someone.
Every SeasonEvery evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer
And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn
And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death,
You open doors for life to enter
You are winter
And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring